With 2018 in full swing everyone and their mothers are going on the new fad diets or cleanses to help them lose weight. Now in this post I am going to be honest with you guys. I am considered to be “plus size” in our society today. I have people telling me all the time that it can’t be true and that “I don’t look like I am plus size.” I am a size 16 and I weigh more than I look and should for someone of my height (5’2”).
I have always had self-confidence issues, even when I was at my skinniest. I was a size 6 in high school and always thought of myself as fat. I dated a typical good looking guy in high school who was ripped and had a six-pack. I developed this complex while dating him that I made up in my head. I always thought that people would look at us and think “why is he with her.” Now he was a good guy and never made me feel that way but I did it to myself. I thought I was too fat. Society and the media paints pictures for little girls that are impossible to live up too. As I look back on it now I think constantly about what an idiot I was, I was a beautiful girl and I was healthy. I stayed active, I was in color/winter guard, I ate rather healthy, but honestly all teenagers eat crap and still look great. Mainly I just always thought I was fat so I made sure I was active. Sure, I wasn’t a size 2, but honestly not many girls were in high school. I was healthy which is what was most important.
I have strayed away from those days big time. College is a bitch guys, I gained the freshman 50 or 60, instead of the freshman 15 over the next four years after high school. I traded healthy eating for convenient eating on campus. I traded working out for studying and watching Netflix. At first when I was a freshman I was in a relationship and we all know how that goes. You get comfortable and stop trying to impress them. Then when that relationship ended before my sophomore year I realized I had gained quite a bit of weight. You never realize it until you have your “oh shit” moment. Mine was when I went shopping for the first time in a while and I saw myself in the mirror in the dressing room. Aren’t they awful?? I saw myself and was shocked at the amount of weight that creeped up on me. It is so easy to put it on you blink and gained 50 pounds. I struggle with anxiety and unfortunately like many other people I use food as an emotional crutch. If I am sad I eat, if I am happy I eat. Basically, I associate food with emotions and that is my biggest downfall. I either eat or I shop and both are not very good habits to have! So, this was the cycle for me as the next two years went by. I never realized these things until recently when I saw my number on the scale and was so scared I forced myself to reevaluate some things.
Diets are hard. That is the truth that you don’t see on all the commercials promoting new cleanses and diets. It is the hardest thing ever to lose weight. That is why I have been struggling with it for years. I get motivated for like a month and then I get lazy. I have tried so many diets and cleanses to try and find “easy” ways to lose weight. That’s the secret though there isn’t an easy way because it is fricking hard! Now with my wedding coming up I am the typical bride who wants to look good on her wedding day, but to me it means more than that. I want to lose the weight because I want to have kids in the next 5 years and I know there will be complications if I don’t lose this weight. I want to lose the weight because I want to look in the mirror and love what I see and teach 16-year-old Sam that she was perfect the way she was. I want to lose the weight so I can walk into any store and find clothes in my size without having to worry about leaving emptyhanded. These things may not seem so big to some people, but to me they drain me. You never feel more discouraged than when you can’t find a dress you need for a fancy dress as easy as others, then you have to settle on one just because it fits.
So instead of trying diets and quick fixes it is my mission to change my lifestyle. It is a harder task for sure, but I feel like for me it will pay off in the end. This includes anything in my life from eating healthier, to taking care of myself inside and out. I am taking baby steps towards my future goals that will make bigger strides in the long run. The last thing I want is to lose all the weight and then gain it all back. So, I am starting with tracking my food. I downloaded the free app Lose It and I plan on tracking every day. That is one of my small goals this week. It will help me see what kind of foods I am eating and what I need to change. Now lately I haven’t been eating terrible, since we started Hello Fresh each meal is delicious and under 600 calories. So, making more minor changes to my diet at a time will be an easy step in the right direction for me. I won’t give up my dessert completely though because that would hurt my sanity, I still want to be happy and make choices for myself sometimes. Another small goal I have for myself this month is to wash my face every night. See its more than just weight for me! I am terrible with falling asleep with my make up on and it is hurting my skin. I want to change that! Finally, my other small goal is to exercise 4 times a week for at least 30 minutes. I am starting small with that one because finding the motivation to work out is so hard.
This was the most personal I have gotten with you all since my Route 91 post, but I feel like putting myself out there forces me to be accountable for my goals and my actions. That is why I want to document my progress through my blog. To show all the average women out there that you don’t have to go crazy with diet and exercise to find something that works. If my way does work then I can say I did it all my way and the way I felt would be best for me. Unlike other New Year’s resolutions, I have made in the past I want these changes to not only last through 2018, but throughout my life ahead of me. I am only 23-years-old I shouldn’t have a hard time climbing stairs or get winded when I try to keep up with Michael walking around. I need to get healthy again and not just to look better even though that will be a plus for me. Thank you all for reading, this was a lengthy post, but I appreciate you taking the time to hear my story. Let’s see where this journey takes us!
XOXO – Sam