Change has always been a hard thing for me. I suffer from anxiety and with that comes a life of scheduling, planning, and doing things I know will work out. Now don’t get me wrong I love planning! My planner is organized and I always love decorating it and making it special. It has just been hard lately being a type A personality with all these changes in my life. With Michael’s new job trips can get changed at the last minute or be postponed multiple times which is so hard for me to deal with. This happened to me this week when Michael’s and my trip to Vienna got postponed not once but twice and now due to the changes I cannot go. I am unbelievably disappointed but I see no point in traveling there for only six days and then coming home. Also, as you all may know I am a teacher online and I have classes booked that I cannot reschedule.
Even though I am disappointed I also understand that this comes with the territory of his new job now. Which is why it is hard for me, I have never been so anxious and stressed as I have this past week. Waiting on plane tickets and times on when we would leave. I have had to change plans three times and pack and unpack my suitcase. At the same time, I am happy for Michael and that he gets to go at least experience Austria, he has reassured me that we will go back most likely this summer, but it is hard when you get so excited for something to just let it go. Even so I am trying to look on the positive side. At least I don’t have to leave my kitties and Cedar can help calm down from my anxieties. I am proud of Michael and what he will accomplish in his new job and how he will provide for our family, future and current in ways we wouldn’t have imagined before. I was just most looking forward to sharing it with him.
I am choosing to try to stay positive and look ahead to what I can accomplish during this week now instead of going to Austria. I get to attend my dance classes more often, I can hang out with my friends and family, I can work more, and I can get a head start on packing up our apartment for our move in February. I was anxious about flying because I have never done it internationally before so that helps lift some stress from me. I just didn’t want to let fear dictate my life anymore after Route 91 and so I was excited to face my fears and go through crowded airports and to public places I do not know to help get through it. This will have to wait for a different trip and hopefully my trip in China will hold fewer bumps in the road than this one. Like I have said I am incredibly disappointed, but when there isn’t much to be done about a situation I choose to try to see the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. As always thank you for reading, and as I sit here tonight trying to relax more with my candles lit and my Cedar man cuddling up on the couch with me I hope you all are having a wonderful New Year so far and let’s see what 2018 will have in store for us.